Self-Love Affirmations for the Woman Who Thinks She’s Unlovable
I’m gonna be honest with you: in the past, each time one of my romantic relationships failed, I blamed it on me not being lovable enough.
I was too difficult, too demanding, too unrelenting. No one would ever be able to love me that way. I also went to great lengths to push people away before they could hurt me. It was my way of testing their devotion to me. Would they really love me no matter what?
Guess what: they all failed.
I realize now that they all failed because they were simply a reflection of what was going on inside of me. I wasn’t devoted to myself and I was attracting relationships that played out what I deeply believed about my own self-worth.
Learning to love myself has been a process of becoming aware of and examining my thoughts and beliefs, letting go of the ones that aren’t in my best interest and treating myself with loving kindness when I slip up and go back into my default mode.
Real talk: Healing isn’t linear.
In fact, it’s usually messy, circular, and frustrating. Right when I think I’ve got it down, something else pops up and asks for me to shine the light of self- awareness on it so that it can be healed.
As you begin your self-love journey, I hope you’ll cut yourself some slack and remember that you are deserving of kindness, especially from yourself. I’ve said many times that affirmations have been a way for me to think on purpose and to consciously input life affirming, positive thoughts into my mind.
Here are 20 of my favorite self-love affirmations from Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life,” for you to use as you begin your own self-love journey:
I love and approve of myself. I am loving and lovable.
I am a Divine expression of life. I love and accept myself where I am right now.
I now discover how wonderful I am. I choose to love and enjoy myself.
I lovingly take care of my body, my mind and my emotions.
I love and accept myself at every age. Each moment in life is perfect.
I love and approve of myself. It is safe for me to take care of myself.
I am important and I am loved by Life itself.
I am powerful and capable. I am enough just as I am.
I rejoice in who I am. I am a beautiful expression of life, flowing perfectly at all times.
I know I am worthwhile. It is safe for me to succeed. Life loves me.
It is safe to be me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose to live. I choose joy and self-acceptance.
It is with love that I totally release the past. I am free. I am love.
I lovingly forgive myself.
The past is over. I choose to love and approve of myself in the now.
I love and approve of myself and I trust the process of life. I am safe.
I am safe. It is safe to feel. My feelings are normal and acceptable.
I lovingly hold and embrace my experience with ease and with joy.
I am completely open to life and to joy. I choose to see with love.
I give myself permission to move ahead. It’s safe to move.
I know that Life always supports me.
Keep in mind that, when you first start saying affirmations, it can feel really fake to say something that you don’t quite yet believe.
This is perfectly normal.
Remember that affirmations allow you to state as fact that which you actually want, not what you currently have.
They guide you to where you want to go. If you find yourself resisting an affirmation, simply say, “I am open to the idea of this affirmation being true.” I found that to be really helpful for me when I was starting out.
Also, here are some ways you can use these affirmations:
Read this entire list six times in the morning and six times in the evening. Want to take it to the next level? Look at yourself in the mirror and recite them out loud.
If there is one particular affirmation that is calling to you, recite it 400 times a day. Want to take it to the next level? Write out the affirmation 100 times a day.
Tap into the power of 40 days. Recite your affirmations 40 days in a row.
Purchase Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, (or check it out from your local library) for even more amazing affirmations.
I encourage you to use your power of self-awareness as you begin your self-love journey and start your affirmations practice. Observe yourself and notice how the way you approach life changes.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you and Bae get into an argument because you express to him that you feel neglected. He’s been working a lot and doesn’t even send a simple, “I’m thinking of you,” text during the day. It’s got you buggin’.
When you brought the topic up to Bae, it doesn’t go as you expected. All Bae can talk about is how busy he’s been and how he wishes you were more understanding. You don’t feel that the problem has been solved and you don’t feel like he has acknowledged your feelings (which are just as important as his).
YOUR REACTION BEFORE STARTING YOUR SELF-LOVE JOURNEY
You are so upset. You cry and immediately launch into self-loathing thoughts of how unlovable you are, how you’re driving him away, how you’re not enough and how he’s losing interest. You feel terrible and it makes you want to act out -- get drunk, eat a whole box of Krispy Kreme donuts or maybe even call your ex. Sure, he’s shitty to you, but at least you know he’ll give you attention. It’s a snowball effect that has you feeling bad for feeling bad.
YOUR REACTION AFTER STARTING YOUR SELF-LOVE JOURNEY
You are upset and you know it. You know what your default mode is (self-sabotage) and you’re so tired of approaching your problems this way. You decide that it’s time to deal with this experience in a different way.
You set a timer for 10 minutes and you allow yourself to feel your feelings, so that the negative energy inside of you can completely move out of you. You cry, scream, hit a pillow (always keeping your safety and that of others first), dance out your energy, or maybe go for a run.
When you feel a little better, you either journal or do some Emotional Freedom Technique to put into words what’s going on inside. You follow that up with your Self-Love Affirmations and you nourish yourself with a yummy meal.
You know that there are still things you need to work out with your honey (Reignite, anyone?), but you’re not going to let it derail your progress. You are important. Your feelings are important. You are going to take care of yourself because you deserve to be taken care of.
Guess what, boo: this is progress.
Every time you choose a life affirming way of dealing with challenges, obstacles, people and situations instead of your default mode of self-sabotage and self-loathing, you change your life. It takes a lot of self-compassion, determination and consistency.
If you happen to mess up and revert back to negative patterns, forgive yourself and start over again. If you fall down, you don’t have to stay down. You don’t have to continue down the rabbit hole of negative thinking. You are worth more than that. I always say that your mistakes don’t define you. How you bounce back from them is what matters.
HB, I want you to know that you matter.
Your self-love journey will last a lifetime and affirmations are a big part of this process. Speak what you truly want at all times. Let your desires take up the majority of your mental space because what you think about, you bring about.
Most importantly, let go of anything or anyone that tries to convince you that you aren’t deserving of the brilliant, beautiful life of your dreams.
You are worthy because you showed up to life.
Your story is not done and it’s time to write a new chapter -- one that tells of your courage, worthiness and resilience. Read this blog post as many times as you need to so that you remember your worth.
Now it’s your turn. Download the Self-Love Affirmations featured in this blog post and place them where you can see them. Want to take it to the next level? Sign up for my free video series, “Knowing Your Worth: A Four Day Journey Into Your Self-Love Story.”
I’m cheering for you. Like you’ve just realized that you are, in fact, very lovable.
P/S Don’t forget to download your affirmations HERE.
This article is for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that it features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.