How I Solved the Mystery of Surrender

In school, working in groups was always hard for me.

You know the drill: in a four person group, you tend to have 1-2 people do the majority of the work and 1-2 people do just enough work to be marginally okay. Then there’s usually that one person who just kicks back and coasts. Sometimes this person will put up a front that (s)he is contributing. Other times (depending on his/her level of boldness), (s)he will literally just kick back, relax, and enjoy while the others do all the work.

I usually fall into the very first category.

Mama Terry taught me to do my best and it’s really hard for me not to at least try. In that group dynamic, I’m frustrated and put out. Since I’m the queen of uncomfortable conversations, I end up having to tell someone about himself/herself. I prefer to work on something myself and get it done. After all, I can only depend on myself, right?

Wrong.

You see, when you work in a group, you have a wonderful opportunity to experience the power of synergy, the idea that 1 + 1 = 3. You hear a lot about synergy in business school. It’s one of those buzz words that MBA students everywhere are “leveraging” (another buzz word).

Don’t get it twisted.

Synergy is a dope idea. If I set out to do a group project by myself, it may be marginally okay. It’ll be strong in the areas that I’m strong in. It will also be weak in the areas that I’m weak in.

However, when I do a group project with others and they bring their strengths, the possibility for some real brilliance compounds exponentially. Remember every single person on this earth is capable of running a five minute mile. If you can create a setting where everyone is able to do so, you are harnessing the power of synergy

In the self-help and spirituality world, you hear a lot about co-creating with the Universe. You do the best you can, emit a high vibe out in the Universe, surrender the outcome and let God make magic in a way that you never could.

This is the supreme example of leveraging synergy.

The reason I have had such a hard time with working in groups AND with co-creating with God is that I’ve historically had a huge problem with surrender. Today I’m going to share with you how the Spanish language gave me clarity and peace when it comes to the concept of surrender.

Here’s the reality: the word “surrender” has been given a really bad rap. When we think of surrender, a million white flags pop into our head. We have been waging war and have lost. We are failures because we couldn’t handle it ourselves and we had to surrender it to God. We are those kids that used to run and tell their mama when the going got tough. We aren’t enough to solve our own problems. We are weak.

Yup. Surrender has some seriously negative connotations.

However, when we surrender to our higher power, that’s NOT what we are actually doing. The Spanish language helped me to see the difference.

In Spanish, there are actually two different verbs that you can use to translate the word “surrender.” There is “rendir” and “entregar.”

You use the word “rendir” when you’re talking losing a battle and surrendering. You are waving the white flag and giving up. You are hanging your head down in defeat. You are going home with your tail in between your legs (or however you say that). You lost and your enemies are laughing in your face.

Not so with “entregar.” A better way of thinking of the verb “entregar” is to hand over or to entrust.

When Lyric was around one month old, I had a meltdown. It was my fourth consecutive week of no more than 4 hours of sleep (and most of them not consecutively) a day. I was exhausted and in pain (from a c-section scar that had not healed properly). I couldn’t tell up from down, night from day, left from right. I was barely hanging on by a thread. Anyhoo, there was one day in particular that I literally slept for one hour.

It was the straw, Honey Bunny. The straw.

After snapping at Mama Terry, I apologized and started crying. I couldn’t stop crying. I had Lyric in my arms and I just stood there, crying. I felt defeated, unworthy, ungrateful, and like I was the worst mother ever. I had this idea in my head that I needed to be the one taking care of my baby at all times and it was excruciatingly exhausting. I was not leveraging the power of my team. Hell, I wasn’t even leveraging my own power. I was a hot mess mama.

My mom said, “Give her to me. Go to sleep. Now.”

So I handed over my precious baby to my mother. I relied on my mother to care for Lyric and to make sure that Lyric was okay while I rested. I entrusted my mother with my child and let her do what I could not.

This is what it means to surrender.

You hand over your beloved dreams and desires to God, knowing that He has the power to do infinitely more than you ever could. God can exceed any expectation, hope, prayer, vision, desire that you will ever have.

You just have to surrender.

Perhaps the baby that you need to surrender is your dream of starting a business. Or going back to school. Or getting out of debt. Or leaving a relationship that no longer serves you.

This is not defeat. Quite the opposite. This is what it means to “entregar.” It’s you entrusting your life, your dream, your challenge and placing it in God’s hands, knowing that God is working out things on your behalf. This is you saying, “God, please take this cup from me. Thy will, not my will.” You know who else said that?

Jesus.

Right before he was betrayed and subsequently crucified. Even Jesus needed to surrender what he was going thru to God by saying, “Your will is far better than my own. I give this to you.” Guess what happened? The Bible says an angel came and strengthened him. He went on to do what he needed to do and now he reigns in victory.

Your victory will come when you do the best you can, emit a high vibe out into the Universe, surrender the outcome to God, and let God make magic in only the way He can.

Honey Bunny, you are a child of God. Romans 8:15 says that God hasn’t given you a spirit of fear and limitation. He’s given you the right to cry out, “Abba Father.” If only you truly understood the power you possess, your life would change.

I think of my relationship with Lyric. If she cries out, I will literally drop everything and run to her. I’m only human. Now imagine how God feels about each of us.

Even if this has never been your experience OR you aren't Christian, you still have the ability to experience the power of God, which supersedes your belief and your religion. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes. Perhaps surrender is the key to changing your life. You won't know unless you try. 

Furthermore, I know someone out there is thinking about the millions of people living in poverty or those suffering from abuse and trauma and the bad shit that happens daily in the world.

To which I say: that’s why it’s even more important that we entrust our lives to God, so that we can go out there and stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. Like my forever president said: 

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
— Barack Obama

It all starts with dreaming big, putting action behind our dreams, emitting a high vibe out into the Universe, surrendering the outcome and letting God work magic. When we change our lives for the better, we are then able to go out and be the light for others. I truly believe that God works thru all of us and it’s time for us to evolve into the highest version of ourselves so that we can change the world for the better.

Now it’s your turn. Comment below and let me know what it is in your life that you need to surrender.

I’m cheering for you. Like you’re Encyclopedia Brown.

From the Front Row,

LaTisha