Hack: Self-Love is Just Like Gardening
Back in September, Lyric and I took Mama Terry to Magnolia Table for her birthday.
We had a fantastic time. For me, there is nothing more precious than to see my two little ladies, the woman who brought me into this world and the baby who made me a mama, together. I am so very grateful for the light they shine so brightly into my life.
On the way home, Marc Anthony’s song, “Flor Pálida” began to play. What a perfect song to hear after an amazing breakfast on a beautiful day with the two people I love most in this world.
As I shift the focus of my teaching to self-love (a topic that I admit I still struggle with daily), I have found myself experiencing a bit of writer’s block. You see, there are many blog posts, courses and social media posts already dedicated to the topic. They are beautiful and they tug at my heartstrings.
Yet I still am not fully on board with what it means to love myself AND how to powerfully and authentically share with you my perspective AND actionable tips that will help you become reacquainted with your own self-love. I am learning by teaching, HB. After all, we are all just walking each other home.
As I began to sing the lyrics to the song, it hit me: what if self-love is just like gardening?
In this song, the singer talks about how he finds a flower in the road and it’s wilting and losing its petals. He takes it home to care for it and it recuperates all of the color it had lost because it found someone to care for it. He says that he gives it a little bit of love and promises to take care of it so that it never leaves.
I found myself thinking, “What if we all visualized a flower in our heart space and we vowed to take care of it? We only feed it things that allow it to bloom, only take it places where it would be appreciated and choose to only see its beauty, regardless of its surroundings or imperfections.”
It helped me to reconcile what it means to love myself. The reality is that I am a gardener and I am giving my garden its best chance to grow.
In my garden, I grow flowers to make the world beautiful. I grow food to feed the world. My only responsibility is to cultivate and tend to my garden so that it has its best chance. What other people do with their gardens is none of my business. What people think of my garden doesn’t matter. My garden doesn’t need to be like anyone else’s because it has been gifted to me.
Besides, it’s the diversity of our gardens that make life interesting. I have no desire to live in a world filled with only one kind of vegetable or fruit. That just sounds bland and boring.
Here’s the deal -- if I let the weeds of negative thinking or the aphids of people pleasing get ahold of my garden, it will not live up to its highest potential. In fact, the weeds and the aphids will choke the life and beauty out of it.
Yet isn’t that we do in our daily lives?
We have the ability to choose which thought we focus on, yet we always let our minds go down rabbit holes of negative thinking. When it comes to other people, we care so much about what they think of us that we will dedicate decades of our lives to doing things that we think will make them happy (be it our parents, our lovers, our children, our friends, our community, etc).
Nah, boo, that way of treating ourselves has got to go. It serves no one and it’ll leave you starving for beauty and nourishment in your life.
Not sure how to get started? I got you, boo. Here are my three self-love gardening tips, so that you can start taking care of your self-love garden today:
1. Plant yourself in sunlight.
This Huffington Post article says that it’s all about location, location, location. Put yourself in the best environment for your growth and surround yourself with people who bring sunshine into your life.
In my blog post, The Simple, Impactful Strategy That Helped Me Change My Life, I share that I went thru my rebellious phase in middle school. When I got serious about changing my life, I stopped hanging around my homies that weren’t really up to anything good. I focused on my schoolwork and got involved with different clubs at my high school. I started volunteering and going to church more. In other words, I had to change the scenes I was frequenting and I had to find people who believed in my potential and were on a similar path. That meant I had to get out of my comfort zone
2. Speak kind words to yourself.
Different studies have shown that speaking kindly to plants has made a difference in their growth. Although it sounds woo-woo, it makes perfect sense all because of the Law of Vibration.
The Law of Vibration states that everything in the Universe, whether we can see it or not, has its own frequency, energetic pattern and unique vibration. Human beings have the ability to vibrate at different frequencies.
When you choose words of kindness, you start emitting a vibration that is higher on the scale of consciousness (a log scale of 1 to 1000 developed by Dr. David Hawkins in his book Power versus Force). My teacher, Reese Evans, says, “The energy that you vibrate at is directly correlated with what you attract into your life.”
When you vibrate higher, you are able to attract high vibe things into your life.
3. Be on the lookout for negative thinking and crappy people trying to steal your shine. When you spot them, act quickly.
In my e-course, Yes, I Am: Affirming Your Way Into the Life You Want, I share the four step process I used to change my life. The first step is to conduct a mind inventory so that you can get very familiar with the thoughts that float around in your mind. When you are aware of a thought, you can then choose whether or not you want to pay attention to it. If it doesn’t serve you, you change the music.
No more going down rabbit holes of thought that don’t serve you.
I love that Oscar Wilde quote, “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” In my course, I also share with you how to anticipate and prepare for the times that you’re around people who are negative and suck the energy out of you. Just because they are negative doesn’t mean that they have the right to bring you down.
Prepare yourself energetically for encounters with energy vampires. They don’t deserve your shine or your energy.
Real talk, HB: your self-love is a gift to the world.
When you love yourself, you show others how to love themselves. When your actions are in alignment with your intention of self-love, you take better care for your garden. When you do this, you are able to nourish the world with the boon of your harvest as only you can.
God has gifted you with your body, your life and your story so that you can realize your highest potential.
As Marianne Williamson so eloquently said, “Your playing small does not serve the world.”
Now it’s your turn. Comment below and share your best self-love gardening tips.
I’m cheering for you. Like you’re in full bloom.
P/S Don’t forget to download your favorite self-love wallpapers HERE.