And So It Is: How to Manifest Magic in Your Relationship
“He just doesn’t get it.”
My heart cringed for my beautiful client, Lisa.
“LaTisha, I’m doing all the work to keep this relationship together and I am exhausted. Then I look over at him and he is unbothered, like there is no problem. He is perfectly fine with the way things are. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m reaching out for a lifeline and getting nothing. What do I do?”
(BTW, Lisa has given me permission to share her story as long as I change her name and make her sound fabulous. I laughed when she told me that and replied, “Lisa, you ARE fabulous.”)
HB, Lisa is fabulous. She is a successful attorney on the West Coast. She’s brilliant, witty, insightful and I am in awe of how quickly she puts the pieces together during our sessions. When she wants something, she puts her entire life force behind that desire and she goes for it.
When Lisa started her coaching partnership with me, she was at her wits’ end. She had been dating her boyfriend for two years and she was ready for him to put a ring on it. She wanted her happily ever after. She was kicking ass and taking names in the courtroom. She had fantastic girlfriends that gave her support. She had a beautiful condo and traveled extensively.
She felt like something was missing. She wanted her MRS.
She met her boyfriend at a trade show convention and sparks flew from the moment they said, “Hello.” They started dating and it got serious quickly.
“I knew he was the one from the moment he told me that he loves home improvement and dreams of restoring a farmhouse someday. Girl, I was ready to walk down the aisle right then.”
(Lisa also has a fabulous sense of humor).
Pretty soon, she found herself spiraling into fear. She started to worry that they’d never get married and that she was wasting her time.
“Girl, I’m 39. I ain’t playing no games. Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
Okay, that was my interpretation of Lisa in my voice. (She is well spoken and I occasionally have my moments).
She started to put the pressure on her honey. First it was passive aggressiveness and then it just became an outright “What are we waiting for?” crumble into tears talk. When she told me about it, it reminded me of that episode in Sex and the City, where Charlotte has a full on meltdown in front of Harry and ends up screaming, “Set the date” at him.
Needless to say, Lisa was drowning. She decided to take action and hit me up. She wanted her relationship to thrive, but her actions were actually having the opposite effect. We started doing the deep inner work of understanding why it was so important for her to get married and how she was viewing her relationship. We started exploring different ways to increase the magic in her relationship instead of the manic obsession she was experiencing.
Which brings us to this blog post …
Today I’m going to share with you three best practices for manifesting magic in your relationship.
1. Put on your gratitude goggles.
As a successful attorney, Lisa spent most of her day reviewing documentation, looking for loopholes and mistakes. It turns out she was applying this mindset to her relationship. During our first couple of sessions, Lisa could tell me everything that was going wrong in her relationship in great detail.
“He came over to my condo the other day and didn’t stay the night. Is he getting tired of me? I think he is because last week I didn’t hear from him. He says he’s busy, but I’m busy, too. I’m still making the effort. He must not be into this relationship anymore.” She had her relationship analyzed to the “t.”
When I asked her what was going good, she said, “We love each other and we are together.”
That. Was. It.
I gently asked her to consider that she could recount back to me with great specificity what was going wrong in her relationship, but she could not do the same thing when it came to all the things that were going right.
Her assignment was to put on her gratitude goggles whenever she looked at her boyfriend and examined her relationship. I asked her to keep a journal for one week and to describe in vivid detail everything going right.
During our next session, she said that the gratitude goggles worked. Their time together was magical. “Nothing changed but everything changed when I put on my gratitude goggles. I realized just how much he does for me and how much fun we have when we are together.”
Gratitude gives us access to magic and it is compounding -- that means that when we are grateful, life gives us even more reasons to be grateful.
The trick with gratitude is to get very specific.
“I’m grateful for my man” turns into “I am grateful for dinner yesterday. We cooked pasta and listened to jazz. We even danced right in the middle of the kitchen, even though I know he hates dancing. It was awesome.”
The more specific, the better.
Specific gratitude taps you into high vibe energy and you can then use that high vibe energy to attract even more high vibe into your life.
2. Bless your relationship.
Focusing on everything that’s going wrong in your relationship creates the perfect breeding ground for insecurity, worry and doubt. It becomes easier to imagine with vivid detail the demise of your relationship. Plus, it just doesn’t feel good.
Nah, boo, it’s time to start using the power of your thoughts and words to uplift your relationship.
When you and your honey are at odds and not seeing eye to eye, that’s the time to start affirming, “I love you. I see the best in you. You are a miracle. Our love is a miracle and a blessing. We will get thru this.”
Speak exactly what it is that you want to see in your relationship.
Real talk, there are always going to be obstacles, challenges, and misunderstandings to work thru.
You and your honey are two perfectly imperfect human beings. You won’t always see eye to eye on everything. That’s okay. It’s actually a good thing. That means you can anticipate things he doesn’t see and he brings up things that never even occurred to you.
In other words, you got each other’s back.
When you start blessing your relationship in your thoughts and in your words, you reframe the way you are viewing your relationship. You are also placing faith in the Universe and asking God to come in and do what you cannot.
Try this on for size -- for the next 40 days straight, bless your relationship. When you first wake up in the morning and before you get out of bed, spend a couple of minutes blessing your relationship. “I bless my relationship. I bless bae. I bless our love. Miracles pour into our relationship every single day. And so it is.”
If you miss a day, start back over at day one and keep doing this until you experience the magic that comes from blessing your relationship in your thoughts and in your words.
3. Monitor your crazy.
In my mini e-course, Reignite: Rekindling Your Best Relationships Now, I talk all about your spiritual toolkit. One of the major tools that God has given you is self-awareness. You can use your self-awareness to identify and explore your behavior.
Once you know what your default behaviors are (especially when there are challenges), you can then get curious as to what beliefs and experiences are hiding behind that behavior. You can examine your relationship (with self-compassion, of course) and expose the actions and beliefs that do not serve the highest good of the love you have with your partner.
I believe that our relationships play a key part in whether or not we experience heaven or hell on earth and I want to help you shine the light of your loving awareness onto your relationship so that you can feel, heal, forgive and reignite. Try out these best practices for the next 40 days straight and watch how your relationship reignites.
HB, I truly believe that you are so deserving of magic in your relationship. I pray that you will put on your gratitude goggles to see the best in your partner (because what you focus on expands), that you will bless your relationship (in order to reframe the way you think about it) and that you will use the light of your loving awareness to examine your behaviors and beliefs (so that you can get rid of anything that doesn’t serve you or the highest good of your love). I know that you already have everything you need inside of you to reignite your relationship, just like Lisa did.
Now it’s your turn. Comment below and let me know your greatest takeaway. How will you be manifesting magic in your relationship?
I’m cheering for you. Like you’re the Alchemist.
P/S Don’t forget to sign up for my masterclass, How to Find the Gold In Your Relationship. CLICK HERE FOR THE DETAILS.