Episode 30: I Sing Beneath The Shadow of Your Wings
In today’s episode, I’m gonna teach you why go-go-go is a no-no-no.
Let’s jump right in today’s episode with a story. It’s my pleasure to introduce you to sisters, Martha and Mary.
Martha is all about her business:
Her mom used to joke that when she arrived into this world, she already had her life plan determined and immediately started executing.
She falls asleep every night thinking about the next day’s tasks and everything that she needs to accomplish, finish and have done.
She likes her home immaculate because even one ounce of clutter sends her head spinning.
She rarely has any down time because each moment of the day is planned for and must be used toward something “productive.”
She’s the one who makes ish happen -- at home, in the office, at church. People know they can call on her (even at the last minute) and that she’ll be there.
She’s dependable and takes everything sooooo seriously.
When she does manage to stop and take a breath (which isn’t very often), she feels a faint sense of “Hmmm is that resentment?,” which she quickly talks herself out of because God has given her so much, people need her and it’s just easier if she does x, y, z because it’s second nature to her and she is the multi-tasking queen. (Now that’s a run-on sentence, honey!)
She does not like uncertainty and is often described by others as a micromanager (though never to her face because she’s also seen as a little bit bitchy).
Then there’s Mary:
She has five different alarms on her cell phone and still manages to barely make it to work on time.
She has no real clue about what she wants to be when she grows up.
She’s 28 and still defers to her big sister to make the adult decisions.
She spends a lot of time daydreaming.
Many people criticize her and tell her to get her life together.
However, Mary is a rock star in her own way. She never meets a stranger and knows every one of her dentist bosses’ clients by name and dental problems. She thinks people are fascinating and loves to hear them tell the story of their lives.
She is thoughtful and makes people feel like they are seen, heard and loved all because she pays attention instead of rushing off to the next thing. She often feels tremendous anxiety about the future but can’t seem to figure out what’s next or what steps to take. She feels lost and it’s really hard living in the shadow of her big sis who is just so damn inspiring.
Do you identify with either of these ladies? I think I see different parts of myself in both of them, to be honest.
Anyhoo, the local rockstar preacher pays them a visit.
Martha immediately launches into go-go-go mode. “OMG the house is a mess. I haven’t cleaned it since yesterday morning. We gotta get this place in tip top shape for his arrival. I gotta pull out the fine china, confirm the menu. Oooh I wonder if the market has fresh fish to serve. I hear he likes fish. I also need to do some major landscaping because my plants are looking a bit sad. Gotta get some fresh sheets in the guest bedroom and make sure to stock up the fridge with some sparkling water. Only the best for the best.”
As she works herself into an endless frenzy, Mary freshens up just in time to greet the rock star and his disciples when they arrive.
They settle in the living room and the preacher begins telling these fantastic stories about God. He is funny, charismatic and so wise. Mary is mesmerized. She sits at his feet and listens intently, feeling like her entire soul is being nourished. It’s as if he knew her entire story even though they just met. For so long she’s been carrying around this burden of not knowing what the future holds and, with one little convo, he has taken that anxiety and POOF it’s gone.
THIS IS THE STRAW THAT BREAKS MARY’S BACK, HB.
She is working so hard to make sure that everything is pristine and beautiful for the guests in their house. The least Mary could do is stir the tomato bisque bubbling on the stovetop.
She is livid. It’s just too much.
As she enters the room to offer refreshments to the guests, she glares at her sister as if saying, “Girl, if you don’t get your everlovin’ butt up to help me.”
The rock star, who is super observant and notices everything, says to her, “Martha, girl. You are sweating all the details and there’s no need for that. There’s only one thing you need to be concerned with and it’s time to take a page from Mary’s playbook for once.”
HAVE YOU HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE?
It’s taken from the book of Luke 10:38-42. I’ve taken mucho artistic license to get my point across. That rockstar preacher was Jesus and that’s what went down when he went to visit the home of Martha and Mary.
Even though she had good intentions, Martha almost missed out on her blessing by being more concerned with the tomato bisque than spending time in Jesus’ presence.
IT MAKES SENSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
You find out Jesus is coming to your home and you want to make sure he has a good experience, a nourishing meal and that things go smoothly.
Has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps Jesus would be more concerned with you having a good experience and that you nourish your soul?
I get it, HB.
You have a big heart and big dreams. You want your life to matter. You want to help people. You want to be in service of something greater than yourself. You care deeply about this world and you’re out there doing your part to make it better. You love your family and your friends with everything you have, even if it means giving until there’s nothing left. You’re tired and yet somehow you keep going.
I HONOR YOU.
You’re dealing with a lot and you’re still here. Take a moment and let that soak into every cell of your being.
I want you to consider that you need more Mary moments -- more moments doing things that nourish your soul … not because you’re checking ish off your to-do list or being productive #girlboss #hustlehard blah blah blah
THROW THAT JUNK OUT THE WINDOW FOR THE MOMENT.
Don’t get it twisted: I am NOT telling you to call into work for the rest of the week and say, “Well, LaTisha told me to get my Mary on, so I’m unavailable this week for work.” I understand you have responsibilities.
What I am saying is everything has its moment, including you. There are moments where you ramp up and conquer the world and there are moments where you hug in and nourish yourself.
I know that you feel guilty about getting your hair done because that’s 5+ hours that you’d have to dedicate to getting your hair into those gorgeous Senegalese twists you’ve been thinking about. That’s time you could spend cleaning the house, spending with your family, writing your book, working on that work project, exercising, so on and so forth.
But here’s the deal: if it’s in your budget and those twists are going to protect your hair, make you feel beautiful (therefore more confident) and you’re going to walk into that meeting like you own the place or you feel more adventurous (so you and bae finally try out salsa dancing and you feel like you’re giving J.Lo a run for her money), get the twists, boo.
Or if you want to sleep in on Saturday and treat yourself to a couple of hours of Schitt’s Creek or Game of Thrones. Or maybe you want to watch the Twilight Saga on Fx for the gazillionth time, do it. The Bible says that even God rested on the 7th day after creating the earth.
Time that you spend on yourself or with yourself is not selfish. It’s not a waste of time. It’s not frivolous.
YOUR NEW MANTRA IS “100% GO-GO-GO IS A NO-NO-NO.”
Say it with me, “100% no-no-no is a go-go-go.”
Here’s the deal, HB: An empty well serves no one.
As you are dreaming big, making ish happen, and #girlbossing all over the place like Martha, please please please include some Mary moments on your calendar:
Hug your honey close to you and savor it instead of looking at the dishes that need to get done. I promise you that they’re gonna get done.
Get your hair done.
Get that mani/pedi.
Take time to breathe and do things that nourish you.
Call your funny friend and giggle on the phone for half an hour.
Take your dog for a walk.
Book that trip.
Fill your soul.
Ya’ll know I gotta keep it real: the opposite is also true, too.
“Say whaaaa, LaTisha. You just spent a good five minutes telling me to inject more Mary moments into my life.” Yes, Martha, I did.
BUT LET ME HOLLA AT MARY REAL QUICK. MARY, YOU IN DANGER, GIRL.
OMG tremendo tangent alert: when I was 7 years old, Mama Terry and I went to see Ghost in the movie theatre. Don’t ya’ll be criticizing Mama Terry’s parenting skills. I’ve always been an old soul. I was 7 years old with an 87 year old mentality. Anyhoo, I’ve always had this loud, obnoxious laugh and a strange sense of humor. My mom was mortified as I laughed at the most randomest parts of that movie. No one else in the movie theatre was laughing but me. I couldn’t help it. I love that movie and I love that part of the movie when Whoopi Goldberg’s character tells Demi Moore, “Molly, you in danger, girl.” Okay, let’s get back on track.
Mary, you in danger, girl.
If you identified more with Mary in the story, it’s time for more Martha moments. If you find yourself daydreaming about your yet to be started food blog, start taking action. Purchase that Mary’s Foodie Delight domain name. Start blogging. Press publish. Rinse and repeat over and over again.
Not sure what’s next? Work with a life coach like yours truly and create an action plan centered around answering that question. No more existing.
IT’S TIME TO DREAM BIG, TAKE ACTION AND LIVE.
Another thing, too: take my advice and customize it to your life.
I was in the shower and I was thinking about this blogcast episode and the importance of having more Mary moments. It made me kinda sad.
Then I realized, “Well, working on my business is a Mary moment for me.” I spend the majority of my day being a mom and those times when I get to sit and write, record the blogcast, have a client session, etc. -- those moments nourish my soul.
I’d say the majority of the HBIC finds me thru Pinterest.
Ya’ll, let me tell you: I find nothing more relaxing than making quote pins -- taking my time to select the quote, going to Canva and thinking about how I want to structure the graphic and then pinning it on my boards. I can literally spend five hours a day doing this. It is so soothing to me. I’m so cheesy. I be blessing the pins like, “Please let this reach somebody and give them tremendo a-ha moment.”
Mad cheesy, but that’s me.
So my Mary moments probably look a lot different than yours. You decide what your Mary moments look like and you do that. You know you better than anybody out there, so feel free to do stuff that nourishes you.
Okay? Okay. Or o-tay as Lyric know says.
Honey Bunny, like the Trooper song says, “we’re here for a good time, not a long time.”
Nourish yourself. Take care of yourself. Don’t deny yourself life’s simple pleasures for the sake of productivity. Even Jesus himself would withdraw from time to time to recharge his batteries. Don’t miss your blessing because you’re too busy checking things off your to-do list.
Now it’s your turn. Leave a comment on the blogcast page for today’s episode and let me know how you’re going to have more Mary moments in your life. I can’t wait to hear from you.
I’m cheering for you. Like you’re singing, “Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere.”