The First Step to Loving Ourselves

Happy Monday, HB!

I’ve gotten some really great feedback from my 01/07 newsletter about self-love (and my blog post, 100 Signs You Don’t Love Yourself). Many of you have reached out and expressed your interest in loving yourself more. You’ve told me how your lack of self-love has manifested in your lives (body image issues, confidence issues, relationship issues, personal finance issues, etc).

The common denominator in each of your e-mails has been the following question, “How do I learn to love myself?” You desperately want to learn how to love yourself, but you don’t know where to begin. This makes sense because no one has ever taught you. It’s not like they offer a “Self-Love 101” course in high school. You were probably brought up by people who don’t know how to love themselves either because they never learned it. The truth is you can’t teach someone something you don’t know.

I am so grateful that you asked this question because I am going to give you my perspective today. When I think about starting a self-love practice, I think of the following Frida Kahlo quote,

I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.
— Frida Kahlo

For me, this exemplifies what it means to bask in self-love. The first step to loving ourselves is exploration.

It’s saying, “I plan to learn me, who I am, what I want, and to love me inside and out, regardless of whatever comes up.” It’s getting really clear on how we view life, what we believe, and how we operate. You’d be surprised to know how much of what we think is on autopilot and how much of what we believe does NOT actually serve our highest good.

Loving ourselves is auditing what’s inside of our mind. “Okay, this makes sense. Keep this. This does NOT make sense. We’ve got to heal that and let it go. This could be better. Let’s see how we can improve this.”

We often think of loving ourselves as passive and sweet. While this is true, there is also a lot of demolition that occurs. We demolish behaviors, patterns and relationships that have reinforced our unworthiness and our self-sabotage. We then construct a new way of being that supports our highest good and gives us our best chance.

When we love ourselves, we simultaneously accept ourselves for who we are AND we strive for something better (because we know we are worthy of it). Living in this space where two seemingly different things exist can be awkward at first.

That’s why self-love is a practice and not a “one and done” type endeavor. Just as we evolve throughout our lives, our relationship with ourselves will evolve, too.

You know I love quotes and one of my go-to quotes is one that the infamous character, Carrie Bradshaw, said at the end of a SATC episode,

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.
— Carrie Bradshaw, SATC

Honey Bunny, I pray that you will give yourself the time, space and permission to explore who you really are and be open to the possibility of 1) accepting yourself and 2) loving yourself. You deserve true love in your life and it always starts with you.

Now it’s your turn. Hit reply and let me know how you plan on getting to really know yourself.

I’m cheering for you. Like you are wearing a tutu in the middle of NYC.

From the Front Row,


Master Life Coach + Motivational Speaker

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