I know you've been thinking, "Where in the world has Yogi Tish been? It’s as if she completely dropped off the planet."
Well, let me tell you, ladies and gents, my world has completely changed.
If you’ve taken my 30 Days of MiracleMessages, you’ll know that I totally was manifesting a baby in my mind. When I turned 30, I decided that I really wanted to experience motherhood. Up until then, I had always been on the fence, but, honey bunny, my biological clock started ticking so loud I thought I was in the middle of a drum circle. There I was -- 30 years old. No baby and no man to have a baby with. I kept trucking. I did many great things -- got my MBA from Rice, worked in Finance, became a yoga teacher and life coach, quit my Finance gig, started life coaching full time. All good things. Yet I was secretly empty and really down -- I started telling myself that I’d never be a mother. It wasn’t for me and it wouldn’t happen. I mean, why would the Universe bless me with more when my life was pretty damn great to begin with?
Three years passed from the night of my 30th birthday when I wished to have a baby. Three long years. Ups and downs. Doubt and fear. On the outside, you’d think that I had it all and I was loving life.
I mean, don’t get it twisted. I had a lot of fun -- was maid of honor at my best friend’s fabulous destination wedding in DR, took my mom to said wedding (to this day, she says that’s the best birthday she’s ever had), practiced with Sharath Jois when he came to Miami, launched my social media presence, reunited with a former flame that I always knew would be my baby daddy, etc.
Yet I still felt empty.
It was November 9, 2016. After watching a bit of the elections race, I went to bed early. I awoke to the news that Donald Trump had just become our 45th president. (I promise, this email is NOT about politics, although if you ask #imstillwithher). I looked over at my love and said, “Well, if Donald Trump can become the president of the United States, I can get pregnant.”
I truly believed it. It’s as if my mind just said, “Okay, well, that happened. He ran for president once before and didn’t get it. He just got elected. Wow. Okay. If that is possible for him, what is possible for me?”
On November 12, 2016, I ate some pizza. It was the best tasting pizza I had ever tasted. I even raved about it to my love. An hour later, I was SICK. I won’t go into details about it. I’ll just say it was NOT a good look.
I proceeded to feel this way for the next 10 days. I chopped it up to some weird flare-up of my ulcerative colitis. I couldn’t eat. I had no appetite. Everything I ate, I threw up. The smell of food was death for me. You catch my drift.
However, I didn’t let myself get too excited about it. I had done that way too much in the previous months. Each delay in my already irregular period. Each symptom that could signal pregnancy (but really was just my UC flaring up). I was at a point that I just didn’t think it was possible, so I wasn’t even gonna sweat it.
November 23, 2016 -- the day before Thanksgiving. My mom urged me to take a pregnancy test. To humor her, I did. I got a two pack of the ones that clearly say, “PREGNANT” or “NOT PREGNANT,” because who has time to decipher lines?
PREGNANT?!?!?! NO FRIGGIN WAY!!!
I’ll spare you the details of my pregnancy and labor & delivery (for now) and jump straight to the joyful news --
My greatest guru, Lyric Marie, was born on July 4, 2017 at 10:18 AM. She decided she wanted fireworks at every single birthday celebration, so she came 8 days early. She was originally due on her papi’s birthday.
I do plan on talking more about pregnancy, delivery, and motherhood in the future. For now, I will say that I have so much respect for all moms. Motherhood is the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Liri is either a hurricane or an angel -- there is no in-between. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried (out of fear and out of sheer joy). I wish I could aptly explain how she has given me access to geniune gratitude. So many self-help concepts were theory before she came along.
I didn’t know it was possible for the present moment to contain utter delight and aching. Utter delight because I see her grow and change AND aching because I see her grow and change. I long to freeze time AND I long to see all that she will become. I didn’t know that was possible.
I will say this -- Liri has blown my mind open with the concept of God’s love for us. My love for her pales in comparison with the love that the Universe has for each of us and all of us. I now look at people and imagine them as babies -- perfect, whole, and complete.
I say that to say this, no matter who you are, where you are in your life, you are perfect, whole, and complete, just like Louise Hay always said. Doesn’t matter your history or your present circumstances. Your flaws and mistakes can’t change the fact that you are deeply loved by the Universe. How do I know? Because of the simple fact that you are alive.
When I was pregnant with Lyric, I tracked her growth in my belly. I loved reading about how she was the size of a pineapple, coconut, pumpkin, etc. It tripped me out reading about how her lungs were forming, her fingers, toes, gastrointestinal system, etc. She is the only person who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
It doesn’t matter if your earthly parents didn’t feel the same excitement or joy at your birth or each of your milestones. The Universe itself did and it always will. That love is always surrounding you. You may not believe it and that’s okay. Doesn’t mean it’s not true.
I realize that my mission as a lightworker is to love you, encourage you, and remind you of your innate worthiness, badassery, and connection to God/the universe/pure love (Pick a name. It’s just nomenclature).
I truly want you to realize your highest potential and to live your best life.
I love you. I want to hear from you. Shoot me a love letter at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know what you’ve been up to.